Thursday, January 22, 2009

mommy flake factor

I've become flaky. I never thought this could happen to me. I have always been chronically early, overly remembering, mega-methodical, obsessively organized - and judging others negatively who were not. Now I can't remember a damn thing. I can literally put a library return on top of my keys and somehow forget it on the way out the door. Somehow, I say. Hmmm, let's replay the getting-out-the-door-with-two-little-boys scenario:  Sling gaping diaper bag over shoulder while holding baby and simultaneously wiping two pouring noses, getting two pairs of shoes on, stopping one child from eating playdough and the other from throwing heavy objects off the porch, and running back inside to grab hats, sunscreen and cell phone I've already forgotten.  Oh, and when I bent over to do one of the aforementioned tasks, my bag of course spilled out half its hastily-packed contents, so now I must swat away four greedy, grabbing paws. On second thought, no wonder I forgot the damn DVD. 

I often describe having two children this young as circuit blowing. The demands come in such urgent gushes, requiring such superheroic response that even this well seasoned multi-tasker falls short. So something's gotta give. And it does. Memory, vocabulary, urinary continence (just kidding). Words, any word that I need to use in a sentence... gone. "Gabriel, stop hitting that um , that,  um, that..." God, I can't even remember what word I forgot.  Lateness becomes the new early and organization is out the door. Who can possibly be on time when waiting for a napping baby to wake up who took 20 minutes of rocking and screaming to get to sleep? Who can possibly commit to which pocket, drawer or cabinet to put what in when a toddler is constantly grabbing  it out and throwing it into the bushes or subwoofer anyway? And who can possibly get birthday and holiday gifts out to even their dearest of friends and family when teething, time changes and flu bugs keep coming at us. I can't even get it together to push a button and send a free eCard, that's how lame I am these days. 

However, on the bright side, I've acquired skills I never knew existed. I've become brilliant at packing a multitude of finger foods into very small tupperware containers, at stocking my diaper bag with enough of both size diapers that I don't have to bum one off a stranger at the playground, at whipping out the kleenex and swabbing noses before a little hand smears it all over, and at making really good animal sounds when reading about Farmer Jones and Farmer Brown. Thankfully these skills have become far more important to me than my former ability to get all library materials returned on time.

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