I'm serious. I want to know.
Why does a baby come out so unable to just be okay for a goddamn minute? Why don't they just go to sleep if they're tired? Why can't they just eat without puking? Why can't they just spit out the words if they want us to know something so bad?
I'm so incredibly irked right now. N is throwing a cataclysmic fit about taking a nap that he knows he wants. He is so tired he just can't seem to get himself to sleep. How does that make any sense God? I'm serious. I want to know. He's so tired that after being rocked and sung to and put in his crib the same way he has complacently submitted to for the last 6 months now - he just can't bring himself to go to sleep. Instead he must scream bloody murder and ruin any chance I have at a decent blogging break. (((sigh)))
Come on N. I nursed you, I loved on you, I fed you blueberries and cheese and goldfish, I took you to play at Kidsville, I held you, I shushed you. It's your turn to pitch in. Just go to sleep, dammit! (((sigh)))
Okay, it's tomorrow ~ Well really today. But yesterday is when I wrote the above beginning to this complaint. After 30 minutes of screaming, N did eventually go down for his nap, only to wake screaming 30 minutes later. I nursed him and he fell asleep for another 40 minutes. If he was so damn tired, why couldn't he have just kept sleeping? I'm serious. I want to know. Wouldn't putting the 30 + 40 minutes together have made for such a much more satisfying and restorative sleep for his little brain cells? So why wake screaming in the middle? I don't understand.
Speaking of not understanding... He woke up screaming this morning at 5:45, I nursed him and now he's back down again. Why couldn't he just stay asleep, dammit? He's done it many times before. I know he's not hungry. I'm serious. I want to know.
But just in time to save me from myself comes this message in my inbox from my bestest daily spiritual source: "Nothing is what it seems. Everything is always happening to assist us in our spiritual growth. How can you enjoy the ride today?"
Fine, just fine. Make me look on the bright side. Make me realize that this time between N's pre-morning and real-morning wakings is exactly when I've constructed the vast amount of my blogs. Make me practice my unused wisdom preened from my toppling piles of spiritual self-help books by simply accepting what is.
Yes, it is what it is. N's wakings are what they are. His nonsensical change-ups simply exist, like my couch does, or a potato does. I don't wring my hands wondering why one of the potatoes in the bag went rotten while the others didn't. It just did. So move on sister and pick out another one. I don't question the couch pillow's decision to flatten on one corner due to uneven user use - it just did, so sit on the other end sister.
So N just does what he does because he does what he does. And I'm just going along for his ride. Okay, fine, that'll work for now. But why does it work this way? I'm serious. I want to know.