Wednesday, March 25, 2009

If it were not for snot...

... I'd be unemployed for starters.

In these difficult and trying economic times, I should be sighing in relief instead of rolling my eyes every time I swab down a snotty nose. My job is recession proof. I am an irreplaceable cog in the wheel of mucus' freeride through our family's respiratory system this season.

This photo hardly shows the offensiveness with which I deal most days. Here N's snot is clear, contained and gleaming, held back from overflow by his upper lip. I just wasn't patient enough to wait for a camera shot of the real thing: the abominable runaway nose with yellow and white marbled snot pliantly hanging in abandon off his lip and dangling in thin air. Those ones should be memorialized in a wax museum somewhere, they are so unbelievably ridiculous. 

Not only would I be laid off if colds and teething let go their tenacious grip on my poor innocent family, I'd also be terribly out of shape. The amount of sprinting under play structures and through sand with tissue blowing in the wind I must do to catch G each time he  races by taunting me with an ornery grin and appalling runny nose yelling, "snot!" would give even Rocky a run for his money.  And puh-lease, screw wimpy, faddish kettle bells. I hoist these mucoid monsters all day long wiping down snot, drool, tears and sniffing for malodorous diaper situations. 

Oh snot, piss, shit and drool... where would I be without  you? 

A mother without a cause is a terrible thing to waste. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh, yes. I'm there now. Every morning my darling, darling son wakes up with a nose and face full of crusty boogers that is holding back a cascade of snot. Yay for motherhood!